The art of taking a break from tough conversations
Let's be honest: sometimes we just need a break.
We all have different capacities for having emotional conversations. People who are building new muscles around communication may tire out quickly, where people who have a lot of experience may be able to stay emotionally engaged for hours. And depending on what's happening in your life and the world, your day-to-day capacity may vary widely as well.
If you know you tend to avoid these types of conversations, then stick around longer than you think you can. In general, it can be helpful to lean into the challenge.
But for most people, there's a point at which grinding through a sensitive, emotional conversation just becomes unhelpful.
If staying in it longer would cause you to shut down and lose access to your feelings, you probably need a break.
If staying in it longer would push past your ability to self-regulate and stay connected with your values, you probably need a break.
Taking a break is totally okay. But here's the thing: There's skill involved in communicating that you need a break.
So how do you ask for a break in a way that fosters your connection rather than hurting it?
Try these four steps:
Communicate that the topic/person is important
State your need, but make it a request
Let them know why
Set a plan for when you'll come back to it
What might that sound like? Maybe something like this:
“Hey, I know we haven't figured this out yet, and this conversation is really important to me. I want to continue it and give it my best. But right now I'm exhausted and need to take a break to recharge. Can we pause the conversation for now and come back to it tonight after dinner?”
You'll be best served if you find your own words and use your own voice, but following that 4 step template can you give a place to start.
Sometimes we all need a break from tough conversations. It's okay to have that need, and you can ask for the need to be met in a way that actually fosters your connection rather than erodes it.
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