What to say when you don’t know what to say

What do you say when you don't know what to say?

So often when people are learning new ways to communicate that make relationships deeper and more fulfilling, they hit internal hurdles.

Those hurdles might be emotional: their fears about being open or honest, or their worries about what'll happen if they let people see behind the armor.

Those hurdles might be practical: sometimes people genuinely don't know how to decipher what they're experiencing in their bodies and minds so that they can put it into words.

If you hit an internal hurdle and don't know how to move forward, it can be helpful to have straightforward tips that offer guidance about what to do or say. The next time you find yourself in one of these moments where you're trying to communicate in an open, honest, relationship-building way, but are coming up short of ideas, try this:

When you don't know what to say, say the thing that feels vulnerable.

And to help bring a little more clarity: talking about what's happening inside you is vulnerable. Focusing on the other person and what they're doing is not.

When we share more vulnerable parts of ourselves, we give ourselves the chance to build stronger bonds. We give ourselves the chance to feel more fully known. And we get to show ourselves that we have the strength and courage to overcome discomfort and a lifetime of habit in order to become the kind of person we want to become.

If you need help figuring out how to communicate more vulnerably, this newsletter is one place to learn. If you want more direct help, therapy is a great place to learn these skills.